The Day

NOTE: To protect the identities and confidentially of everyone involved all names and when possible locations have been changed.

The only thing that made this particular Monday morning different from any other Monday morning was that I had been out of town with the church’s youth and young adult group for the weekend. We did everything except sleep so that particular Monday morning I treated myself to skipping class and getting some rest. As an immature second year Bible College student, unfortunately, it was a treat I treated myself to a little too often.

At about 10:30am I got out of the shower and was still wrapped in a towel when the bathroom door opened half way. The Dean of Women Amy poked her head in and asked me to swing by her apartment after I got dressed. As any college student would I briefly wondered what I did. However these seemed to be a bit informal circumstances to be in trouble. Her apartment was actually located two doors down from my residence hall room.  It wasn’t uncommon for us to bump into each other coming or going. Due to our close proximity we had built up a bit of a friendship as far as dean to student goes. Therefore I didn’t think much of it. I quickly got dressed. A new leaf I had turned over for myself that year was even if I didn’t go to class I was still going to attend the daily chapel service which began promptly at 11am. With my hair soaking wet I knocked on Amy’s door. She invited me in as if we were best friends leaving for the mall. The whole atmosphere changed the first step inside.  Michelle who was my Resident Advisor (RA) that year was also there. At that point I knew whatever was going on was big.

I was instructed to sit next to Michelle on the couch while Amy sat across from us.  “I’ve got some news that’s not real good,” Amy said. “I got a call from the police in your home town and they found your mom dead this morning. That’s all we know.” The words didn’t sink in as Michelle put her arms around me. It took me a minute to reciprocate.

They asked me if I needed them to call anyone. At that point I remembered my grandma. My uncle, and her only surviving son had been in a bad car accident along with my cousin just before Thanksgiving and she was in Arizona helping them recover. No one had spoken to her yet. They called my work to let them know I wouldn’t be there.

They asked me what I wanted to do next. I wanted to go to chapel. They told me I didn’t have to, but for some reason I wanted to. Amy advised me not to be alone that day.  With that I left her apartment and went to my room.

My roommate Jane came in the room. She was also an only child. Two only children sharing a college dorm room when they had not had to share much of anything was quite the experience. She told me she was leaving for chapel. I didn’t tell her about the news I had just received. 

Thirty seconds later I heard running down the hallway. I knew it was her. She had a heartbroken look on her face when she entered. She also wrapped her arms around me.  The only thing I remember saying is I’ll see you in chapel.

Amy came to my door and stated my aunt was on the phone and asked if I would speak to her. How she ended up on Amy’s personal apartment phone remains a mystery.  Even though she’s my grandma’s niece and technically not my aunt, I had called her aunt from birth and had never known her as anything else. I agreed to take her call. She informed me she had not yet gotten a hold of grandma. That’s all I remember of that conversation.

With my hair still soaking wet (given the chaos of the morning I didn’t have time to blow dry it) I left for chapel. Unbeknownst to me I was being followed by my next room neighbor Jackie. My soaking wet hair would become a cherished memory for her later. She had actually experienced a similar loss a few months earlier so she understood the daze I was in.

Still not realizing Jackie was behind me I located my friend Katie in the chapel. We prayed together every Monday night and sat in the same place during chapel. I pulled her into the hallway. As we were walking she looked concerned and I told her she wasn’t in trouble. She would later thank me for that. I broke the news I had only received 15 minutes earlier the best I could. She gave me a big hug, and told me she loves me. She understood I’d be sitting with Michelle and Jane that day. 

I turned around and there was Jackie. She joined us for chapel and had her arm around me the whole time. She told me a couple of times I didn’t have to be there but for some reason I wanted to be. 

By this time everyone knew. I was met with several pairs of open arms before I left the chapel. There was a line of people waiting on me when I got back to my room. After lots of hugs I politely asked everyone to leave so I could make a phone call. It would be the only time I was alone that day. 

I needed to call my friend Barb. She was old enough to be my mom and was actually a surrogate mom for me for years before this happened. Cherokee is a small community and I knew from past experience word travels fast and I didn’t want her hearing it another way. I once again broke the news the best I could. She let out a gasp of shock and told me she’d take care of everything until I got there. 

A few more people popped in for a hug including a former RA who sat with me for a few minutes while Jackie and Jane left. I got a call from the youth pastor who I had just seen over the weekend at camp. He prayed with me and left me with “yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.” A verse I had memorized since I was a child suddenly had new meaning. I had no idea the comfort I would find in it years later.

Jackie packed for me while Jane showed her all my stuff. Assuming I was organized enough to put it where it was supposed to be. 

Michelle joined the three of us for lunch. Despite it all I could eat. I was never one for losing my appetite. At lunch I was told my flight home was taken care of and I would be leaving in a few hours. It was proven true when something like this happens the world stops for you and the best in people comes out.

We returned to campus where people whose names I didn’t even know told me they would be praying for me. Also a couple friends from my previous year made their way to school to show their support. 

Jackie told me she and Jane would like to come see me in a few days to make sure I’m doing ok and asked if there was a place for them to stay. Michelle had RA responsibilities and unfortunately wouldn’t be joining them. Barb had a big basement and I didn’t foresee it being a problem to stay there. 

The three of them took me to the airport. The Holy Spirit had convicted me over the weekend and I pulled Jackie aside to discuss it briefly. Someone needed to know what was going on or I wasn’t going to get through the week.

They all hugged me goodbye and I jumped on the plane. It quickly became obvious why I hate commuter planes. Six people were on board and the way it was bouncing around I was scared I would join my mom before I said good bye. I had never been more relieved for a plane to land.

The same aunt I had spoken to earlier in the day met me at the gate with open arms. My uncle was also with her. I totally forgot I had luggage and if she hadn’t said anything I would’ve left it. We discussed the coming days in the car. She was able to get a hold of grandma. 

I called Barb’s daughter Lisa from their car phone. She was the only friend my mom let me have. I asked if I could spend the night and of course it was no problem.

I was dropped off at their door. They came in briefly to meet everyone. Several people knew me well enough to know that’s where I would be for the night and I was given a stack of messages like I was the CEO of a fortune 500 company.    

After giving them a hug without question the first person I had to call was grandma. We were both shocked but ok. They would be leaving early the next morning and I would see them later that night. I returned a couple more calls.

I’m sure they fed me, but I don’t remember what it was. I asked Barb to sing at the funeral and gave her husband Scott the option of being a pall bearer if he would like. Lisa would be sitting by me at the funeral and as far as I was concerned that was the most important task of them all.

There’s a ten year gap between Lisa and her youngest sibling and I always I enjoyed playing with the kids when I was there. This was no exception. I played with the kids until it was time to go to sleep.            

I went to bed without shedding a tear the whole day.  I had no idea what lied ahead.